Sitting alone at Starbucks.
I’d just arrived and started writing, when a big black girl walked in.
Like an Amazon.
Over six feet tall – several inches taller than me.
And that’s with me in heeled boots and her in flat jeweled sandals.
Clear milk-chocolate skin shows she’s likely got some Anglo mixed in with the African.
She kinda reminds me of my primary girl – but taller and younger.
Amazon girl is not ashamed to show herself off.
Wearing tight little white denim shorts that reveal the bottom of each jiggling cheek.
Large natural breasts busting out of her halter top.
Thick ebony hair straightened and cascading down to the small of her back.
Way younger than me.
Probably a teenager.
I know I’m gonna approach – and the thought instantly makes my heart pound.
I figure she’ll get a drink then stand and wait by the take out area near the trash can.
The angle of the room blocks my view of the counter – I can’t see her as she orders.
So, I time it.
I wait a minute, then grab some refuse off my table and walk over to where I think she’ll be waiting.
She’d already ordered. But instead of standing, she sat in an easy chair to wait.
Facing away from me as I pass – she doesn’t see walk by.
I throw the trash.
Go back to my seat.
She’s sitting directly in my line of sight now.
But sideways, so I can’t make eye contact.
I consider sitting next to her. Strangely, she’s got no laptop OR phone on her. Indirect will be tough.
I decide on a different tactic.
She won’t be staying long – I’ll time my approach for when she walks out.
Her drinks are called.
As soon as she stands I grab my phone and walk outside, ahead of her.
I stand at a choke point on the patio.
It’s between a wall and rail – she’ll be forced to pass right by me.
She’s only a few steps behind me, and in a hurry.
I almost miss her as she quickly strides past, without slowing down.
Still no eye contact. She takes a few steps by.
I call out to her in a loud, deep voice.
Turns around to face me.
A huge smile lights her face.
MF: What’s your name?
Jade: I’m Jade!
MF: Hi Jade, I’m Mario.
We shake hands, I hold it a few seconds longer than needed.
Jade: Hi Mario, nice meet you!
MF: You too. How old are you, Jade?
Jade: I’m 20!
MF: Are you single?
She flashes another winning grin.
Jade: Nooo…I’m actually going over there right now….
She gestures to her car, and points off down the street.
I grin back.
MF: No worries, have a great day!
Jade: You too!
I walked back inside, and she drove away.
Yeah, pretty crude opener.
And a rejection.
But I’m glad I approached this girl. Because it got me thinking.
The “anxiety” that I felt before approaching this girl wasn’t really anxiety.
It was excitement.
And I think for many men, it’s the same.
We misinterpret our physical reaction. Trick ourselves into thinking it’s fear or nerves.
Not approach anxiety.
Like the nerves you feel before a fist-fight – priming you for action.
And that’s good – approaching hot girls should be exciting!
If you’re not excited to approach her, then why bother?
Controlled excitement primes you, makes you sharper.
And it’s your call to action.
Use the excitement, the nerves, to drive your approach.
The key is to re-frame your “nervous” or “anxious” emotions as excitement, instead.
That excitement can also tell you who not to approach.
And that’s important for introverted guys. Men who aren’t afraid to hit on girls cold, but who don’t like constantly approaching like machines.
For example, sometimes I’ll come across an objectively hot woman.
I’ll consider approaching her. But then won’t feel anything.
Zero physical reaction.
No anxiety, no racing heart, no nerves, nothing.
Sure, I may strike up a conversation or say hi just for practice.
But more often?
I’ll skip her.
I’m not desperate for sex.
If I feel nothing for her, why waste my limited energy on the approach?
I’d rather focus on quality over quantity. So this is congruent with my goal.
Now I’m not saying you should make excuses to not approach.
If you need sex, or you’re just getting started with day game, then machine-like approaching every attractive girl you see has value.
But for men like me, that kind of high-volume approaching is unsustainable in the long run. It can lead to burnout. Sure I can do it, but not ALL the time.
I prefer the sniper approach – focusing my energy on those girls who DO excite me.
The idea of approaching her, talking to her, should trigger an intense physical reaction.
Your body is telling you – this is a girl I must approach.
And often you’ll find that this approach works well women who you’re most attracted to will respond well – even if they reject you!
So the next time a six foot 20-year-old hottie who makes your heart race?
That’s your cue, my friend.
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