My cat died about a year ago. It was a tough loss for me, we had a strong bond.
After his death I took solace in my girls – they helped me get through the pain.
Women are great for that, you know?
Comforting you when you’re hurting.
But male grief is a touchy subject. As a man, you’ve gotta be super-careful how you express sadness around women…Because if your girl loves you, she’ll want to be there during hard times.
Hell, she’ll be offended if you don’t ask her for help!
But it’s a balancing act. You can’t show too much emotion when you’re grieving.
If you do?
She’ll be disgusted. Even if she loves you.
And that can damage your relationship.
It’s harsh reality – you can’t let your game slip just because you’re sad. You’ve still gotta keep it tight. Regardless of the pain.
Have you recently lost a loved one?
Here are some tips for maintaining your frame:
1) Lean On Friends & Family (first)
Your inner circle should be your go-to outlet for grief, your first stop. Call your parents, siblings, uncles, cousins, or best friends. Or better yet, visit them in person.
Because with friends & family you’re ‘safe.’
Meaning there are (usually) no consequences to expressing unfiltered emotion. So if you have close kin around, take advantage.
2) Mourn Solo
Sure, you’ll lean on friends and family for a while.
But for the most part?
You must face your pain alone. Men heal best that way; we must work things out solo.
So mull the loss, process it, look at it in your head. Pass through as many grief stages as you can. Drink whiskey, smoke weed, cry, sleep late, go to church. Or focus hard on business and training and reading.
Whatever you gotta do.
Then when you’re feeling up for it, it’s time to…
3) Lean On Her (sparingly)
Now you can use your woman for support. If you’ve got a wife or girlfriend, then she’s clearly your go-to girl.
But if you date multiple girls then you must pick the right one. It’s not a hard choice – your main girl should give you support. Avoid showing emotion around any of the others.
OK – so now you’re ready to mourn in front of her.
What’s the best way to do it?
Well, less is better. Limit how much grief you display, don’t over do it.
4) Talk About Your Loss
In general, it’s best to avoid confiding in your woman.
But here you can make an exception. Talk with her about your pain. It’ll help you heal. And it’ll make her feel closer to you.
Women process their experiences by talking about them, so she’ll understand if you wanna discuss things.
But again don’t emote too much! She’ll sympathize, yes. But you still must keep her attracted, so…
5) Never Cry In Front Of Her
This is very important. In my opinion, crying is healthy for men IF there’s a valid reason (like death).
But even if your reason is ‘valid,’ you should still never cry in front of her. Crying in front of your girl is a guaranteed way of making her less attracted to you. Even if she loves you!
Feel tears coming on when she’s around?
Sequester yourself, quickly.
Get it out of you system, and get it together before she sees you again.
6) Sexual Healing (when ready)
Grief can kill your sex drive. If you’re really bummed out, it could be a while before you want to have sex again.
For some guys, that might mean just a day or two of celibacy. For other men, it might take longer to get back to normal.
And that’s OK.
Don’t force it. Wait until you’re ready.
And when you do have sex again, use it as a tool to help YOU. Remember that Marvin Gaye song, Sexual Healing? There’s a lot of truth in that old tune.
Satisfying sex is vital for recovering from emotional pain, as long as it’s on your terms.
It’s normal and healthy for men to mourn death. And it’s OK to take solace in your women when you do.
But the reality is, you can’t stop gaming her just because you’re sad.
So express your grief, use her to help you recover.
Just be mindful when you do it.
What are YOUR strategies for coping with grief?
Read More: Letting Her Go