In my last post we explored how to master the art of the soft next.
But I didn’t cover one important aspect of soft nexting – it works both ways.
Meaning, yes, you can soft next a woman you’re dating if she misbehaves.
But women will soft next you, too.
Ash Pariseau brought that point up in her comment….
I answered her question, but my reply was superficial and incomplete.
So today we’ll explore this topic in detail…
How’s It Different?
So when a woman soft nexts you, it’s not the same as when you do it to her.
Obviously, the big difference is that she leaves you – and not the other way around!
Secondly, when a woman soft nexts a man, it’s usually for one of these two reasons (or both at the same time):
- She’s Too Jealous Of Your Other Women
- She Has A Backup Man Ready
And the last difference, in my experience, is that soft nexts initiated by women tend to last longer than soft nexts initiated by you. When you soft next her, three or four weeks would be the most. But when a woman soft nexts you? The time apart can range from a few days to a few years before she comes back again.
How Should You Handle It When She Soft Nexts You?
So how exactly should you deal with a soft next?
1) Control Your Emotions
It’s vital that you control your emotions when she leaves you. If she ends it in person? Don’t display any anger, rage, sadness – nothing. Think polite poker face. Be nice and get the hell out of there ASAP (or make her leave). If she does it over text message, it’s the same thing – zero emotion. At this point, any sort of emotional display will just reduce the chance she’ll come back later.
2) Let Her Go Easy
Once she says she’s leaving you, just let her go, my friend. Never try convincing her otherwise. No discussions. That’s just a waste of time. Instead, make sure you say just two things. First, wish her good luck and happiness. Second, explicitly tell her that she can come back to you when she wants to. You can do this in person or over text. And that’s it. After that…
3) Ghost On Her
After she’s gone, and you’ve said the things you’ve gotta say, you go ghost. Meaning you totally cut off all communication. No seeing her, no texts, no calls or emails, no social media likes or DM’s – nothing! Act like she’s dead to you (for a while).
4) Manage Post-Breakup Blues
Just because you didn’t show emotions during the ‘breakup’ doesn’t mean you don’t feel anything. What you feel depends on how much you care about her. When fuck-buddies leave you, it’s no big deal – who cares. When a long-term girlfriend leaves, it can sting a bit more. So it’s easy to crack and contact her again at this point, if you’re hurting and missing her. So what’s the antidote? Well, immersing yourself in training, business, study, or the company of friends are good ways to cope. But there’s also another, better, way…
5) Fall Back On Your Other Women
The single best way to handle the loss of a woman you cared about? Spend time with other women. Now is the time to fall back on your harem! Get your sex, love, and female companionship from your girls, instead of pining for the one you just lost. If you don’t have a harem? Fire up your Tinder profile, start approaching, and focus your negative emotions on finding yourself another girl ASAP.
6) Keep All Her Info
Your ex will probably come back, or you’ll contact her, eventually. So make this easy for both of you. Keep her on social media, keep her number, save her email address, etc. Don’t delete her info. Just have the discipline to not contact her for a while. More than likely she’ll be reaching out to you sooner than you think…
7) Let Her Come Back Easy
If you let her go easy and drama-free, and clearly told her she could come back? Then there’s a good chance she’ll return. So when she does contact you again, stay relaxed and laid-back. Don’t ask her any questions about what she’s done, or who she’s been with. Stick with logistics. Just get her back to your place ASAP, fuck her, and start your relationship right back up – like nothing happened.
8) Ping Her
So what if she doesn’t contact you after a few months? Well at this point, you may want to do some light social media stalking. Check her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Is she single or is she with another man? If she’s clearly single, send her a quick message. Try to get her to come over. If she says yes, great. If not, stay polite, ghost on her again, and then ping her again in a few months. If she’s obviously with another guy you may want to hold off and contact her later, when she’s single again.
9) Expect More Than One Soft Next
Some girls never soft next you. They stay loyal long-term. Others stay gone after they leave. But some women are chronic soft nexters. Meaning, they’ll leave and come back repeatedly. How often she does this really depends on her – there’s no real pattern here, IME.
10) You’ll Get Hard Nexted, Too
Not every girl will come back. Some leave you, and then you’ll never see them again. This is known as a hard next. Unfortunately, you have no control over this. If a girl has hard nexted you, you must let her go for good.
Learning how to soft next women is a vital relationship game skill.
But knowing how to get soft nexted is just as important.
You’ll expend a lot less time and energy if you’re flexible and open-minded and let your old girlfriends come back into your life.
It’s a low-energy, efficient method for keeping women in your life; it’s way easier to start up with an ex than it is to seduce a new girl.
And remember that old saying – if old pussy stays gone long enough, it’s like brand-new pussy when it comes back. 😉