I’ve written about reading body language before. It’s a valuable social skill. But reading between the lines, understanding non-verbal cues, and using that information to make quick decisions, is especially important for men who date many women.
Because you can’t waste your valuable time, energy, and money on women who aren’t that into you. So you absolutely MUST learn to read her ‘red flags’ and ‘green flags’ – the negative and positive cues that help you gauge her level of interest in you.
Learn to read them correctly, and you’ll know exactly which women to focus on. And which ones to ruthlessly screen, rapidly delete, and forget about fast.
Red flags can fly at any stage of a romantic relationship. But today we’ll focus specifically on first date red flags, with girls you’re still seducing.
First date red flags come in two forms:
Non-Verbal Red Flags
Most first date red flags manifest as non-verbal communication. These are specific actions she takes (or doesn’t take) during the first date.
Verbal Red Flags
Other red flags are verbal, things she says. Remember, she will never say what she really means when she communicates this way! So again, you must learn to read between the lines, to understand what she’s really telling you.
13 Common First Date Red Flags
Here are some things to look out for:
1) Knees Pointed Away
Ideally you’ll sit next to her when you begin the first date. So you should be able to see her knees. Where are they pointed when the date starts? Are they pointed away from you? Or towards you? Do her knees shift during the date? If she keeps her knees pointed away from you the entire time, that’s a red flag. But if she starts the date with her knees pointed away, and then ends with them pointed right towards you, it’s usually a positive sign.
2) Lack of Questions
A woman who wants to fuck you will be interested in you. Or she’ll pretend to be. Either way, she’ll display this by asking you pointed questions. For example, here in Mexico City, we had a big earthquake several months ago. So on first dates here, I ask girls about their experience, have them tell me their ‘quake’ story. I’ve noticed that girls who end up fucking me always ask for my earthquake story, too. Girls who don’t fuck me rarely ask. The same thing applies to topics like work, travel, hobbies, ex-lovers, etc. So if you ask her specific personal questions, and she don’t ask back? Red flag.
3) Not Touching You Back
You should always be touching girls heavily on first dates. It’s one of the best ways to non-verbally communicate your interest, get her comfortable with your touch, and convince her to fuck you. But how she responds to your touch is vital. It’s one of the most obvious cues of all. A girl who is gonna fuck you, will almost always touch you on the first date. Most girls will wait until after you start touching them. Others may surprise you and touch you almost right away, even before you put your hands on them. But if she simply tolerates your touching, and/or she won’t touch you back? Or if she touches you back, but it’s minimal and unenthusiastic? Red flag.
4) Leaning Away
Another obvious indicator. Is she leaning towards you or away from you? Women who like you will lean into you. If she’s really into you she may move her face close to yours, while she speaks. Often a girl will start the date leaning away, then end it leaning into you, which is clearly a good sign. But if she leans back the entire time? Then your chances of fucking her aren’t good. This goes double if she crosses her arms over her chest.
5) Leaving Purse On Her Lap
This one doesn’t seem like a big deal. But it’s a subtle way to read her. Right after you sit down to start the date, watch what she does with her purse. Does she place it on her lap? If she does, it’s a red flag. It’s her subconscious way of erecting a ‘barrier’ or ‘shield’ between you. She’s telling you she doesn’t trust you yet. Conversely, putting her purse on a different chair, or off to the side, is a good sign. Remember this isn’t a ‘hard’ indicator. Because sometimes she’ll keep her purse on her lap when there’s simply nowhere else to put it!
6) Not Looking At Your Lips
Another subtle but very reliable indicator. It’s easy to miss, because when she does it, it’ll happen quick. Watch her eyes when you’re speaking to her, while she’s listening to you. Does she glance down at your lips while you’re talking? If so, it’s because she’s thinking about kissing you. And since she’s unlikely to kiss you first, it’s her non-verbal way of asking you to kiss her! And if she doesn’t look at your lips at all during the date? Clearly a red flag.
7) Weak First Kiss
Another strong measurement of her interest. When you go for the kiss on the first date, how does she kiss you back? Is it hesitant and half-hearted, with her mouth half closed? Or is it strong and passionate, with tongues down throats and hands grabbing necks? Remember that a great kiss isn’t always a 100% green flag. Sometimes, you’ll have a hot and heavy make out session on a first date, but then still end up going home alone. But generally the chemistry you feel (or don’t feel) during that first kiss is an extremely reliable indicator. Bad kiss = red flag.
8) She Talks About Being Busy
If she talks about having a busy life in general, that’s not a bad sign. Girls love bragging about how ‘busy’ they are, so no biggie. But if she talks specifically about the things she needs to do very soon, either in a few hours, or early the next morning? It’s a red flag. She’s giving herself an ‘out’ so she can let you down easy. It’s an excuse for her to leave. She’s telling you, indirectly, that she’s not going home with you. Which means you’re NOT getting laid on that date. So if she starts talking like that? Be polite, non-reactive, and end the date ASAP.
9) She Asks If You Need To Get Up Early
The flip side of her talking about how busy she is? When she asks if you need to get up early the next morning. She doesn’t really care if you get up early or not. What she’s really doing is telling you, indirectly, that she isn’t coming home with you. She’s setting you up for an easy let down. And it’ll be your fault, since you’re the busy one! Keep in mind though, this question isn’t always a red flag. Sometimes, a girl who is planning on fucking you will ask you the same question! So don’t take this indicator by itself, it’s gotta be interpreted in context along with the other cues.
10) She Likes Men Of A Different Race
For example, let’s say you’re a White or Latino man. And on the first date a new girl tells you she really likes Black guys. That’s not a good sign (for you). It’s not about judging her for having racial preferences. And it doesn’t matter what race she prefers. All that’s relevant is she’s telling you that you’re not her preferred type. But this isn’t set in stone. Many girls like variety, and they’ll fuck different colored dudes. And of course the reverse is true, it’s a green flag if you’re a member of the race she likes.
11) Zero Sexual Contact
Sexual contact on a first date is a strong indicator, obviously. So if you bring her back to your place after the first date, and she gives you a hand job or blowjob, but won’t fuck you? No, it’s not ideal. But she gave you something so she’s still worth pursuing. She’s telling you that she will fuck you, just not yet. But if you get little or zero sexual contact? It’s a big first date red flag. Not always a deal-breaker, but not good.
12) The Verbal Tip
When I was a waiter in college, working for tips, there was one particular kind of customer we all hated. We called them ‘verbal tippers.’ Nice, overly friendly people who’d compliment you effusively during their meal. They’d praise your great service, tell you how amazing everything was. But when it came time to pay their bill, they always left a $0 tip. In their minds, their kind words were enough, and they served as your tip, instead of cash.
And some women are the same way! Beware of a woman who ‘verbally tips’ you early on and compliments you excessively (before sex). Calls you handsome, good-looking, and/or showers praise on you. She’s basically doing the same as the verbal tippers. She’s using sweet, pretty words in lieu of sex, thinking you value both equally.
13) She Delays The Second Date
Some girls won’t fuck you on the first date. But they will on the second or third. And when this happens, it usually happens fast, normally just a day or two later. And then you have sex on date two or three. But what if she doesn’t fuck you on the first date, and then she’s hesitant to see you soon after that? For example, she tries to push the second date off until sometime next week? It’s a red flag and she’s unlikely to fuck you. These days, if a girl likes you, she is gonna fuck you fast (with very few exceptions). So if she makes you wait, she’s likely just wasting your time.
I could have reversed the format of this post and called it How To Read First Date Green Flags.
But I did it this way on purpose.
I think it’s easier for men to read the negative signs, since they’re often more obvious.
And once you’re familiar with the negative signals, you’ll better understand the positive signs.
Remember though, in the end, red flags are just clues.
They’re not always hard indicators
So learn to read them, yes.
But trust your gut feelings, too.
If your instinct tells you to go ahead with her, then proceed.
But if not, and she’s waved these first date red flags?